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Torture SignageMounted to the wall in the exhibition, this signage was used as a section header. Torture is made from four layers of lasercut birch plywood.
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Torture ChairThis chair helps the viewer understand the pain of a chronic sufferer of back pain. Foam spikes dig into the back and buttocks in the exact spot where I experience pain on a daily basis.
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Torture ChairThis chair helps the viewer understand the pain of a chronic sufferer of back pain. Foam spikes dig into the back and buttocks in the exact spot where I experience pain on a daily basis.
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Torture ChairFelt-wrapped foam cones extrude from an otherwise comfortable rocking chair. Their placement drives them into the spots in your back where mine hurts when I sit.
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Torture ChairHand-cut felt lettering instructs the viewer to try out the chair. The chair appears otherwise unapproachable.
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Torture ObjectsEveryday activities like doing the laundry and shopping for groceries can cause excruciating pain during a back flare-up. They can also incite a flare-up if I am already tired or weak.
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Torture ObjectsHauling and scooping cat litter can be equally as dangerous to the back. Wearing ballet flats puts pressure on the back, and only a brief walk in them can result in a day in bed.
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Torture ObjectsI avoid events where I will have to sit in a folding chair, especially a plastic one. While I love camping, it is no longer an option due to the stress it puts on my back.
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Torture ObjectsI cannot wear high-heels, for they cause tortuous stress on the low back. Bowling requires surprising strength and stability in the core. Twisting inflames the pain.
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Torture ObjectsFor people with fibromyalgia, simple activities like folding laundry and opening jars can be very painful. When I do such things, I bend over and engage my core muscles to prevent pain.
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Torture ObjectsDrinking alcohol and activities like pulling wagons exacerbate pain for people with fibromyalgia.
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Torture ObjectsKnitting can become increasingly difficult for people who suffer from arthritis. Inserting a key into a lock requires fine motor skills. For someone with arthritis, this is often increasingly difficult.
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Torture ObjectsButtoning buttons can cause sufferers of arthritis extreme pain. Gripping a toothbrush twice daily can also be painful.
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SignageThe implications of my experience with back pain are vast. From changes in lifestyle to financial stress, back pain influences each and every choice.
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Pain ScaleOver the course of eight years my pain grew and washed away, time after time. Major moments stick out, however, and can be related to a schedule of treatments. These treatments include surgery and physical therapy, massage and rest.
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Pain ScaleThis thread installation took a full four days to install. Many hands did the work. Many backs were strained in the process, and many fingers burned with hot glue. The thread installation incorporated 1080 white map pins and 200 skeins of red embroidery thread.
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Pain ScaleThe installation of this piece reflected my experience with community over the past few years. Without those around me willing to give an hour or ten of help, I wouldn't have made it happen. Without my communities, I wouldn't function.
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Vicodin PillOWVicodin is a heavy-hitting pain medication. I take it as a last-resort, and mostly only following surgery. It gave me the dizzies, seizures, and hallucinations. The PillOW is the largest in the collection because it has the biggest impact on the body.
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Percocet PillOWPercocet is also a heavy-hitter. The pills are giant and round and the most difficult to swallow. This PillOW is quite huggable.
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Percocet PillOWI originally made this PillOW to hang next to the Torture Chair. You could reach over and hug it while you were sitting in the chair.
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Prednisone PillOWPrednisone is a steroid used to treat inflammation. A doctor prescribes a Methylprednisone Dose Pack to bring the body out of a severe inflammatory response. Prednisone turns my face into a tomato and gives me hot flashes.
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Zoloft PillOWZoloft is usually prescribed to treat depression and anxiety. I was initially prescribed Zoloft for pain management. The SSRI can interact with the nervous system to interrupt pain reception.
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Zoloft PillOWZoloft's effects on my state of mind have been instrumental in making it through the last few years. Far less emotional and significantly less anxious, I would be unable to cope with each step of this process without the drug.
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Zoloft PillOWI made 30 Zoloft pillows to demonstrate the mass of pills I take as a baseline each month. Machine-embroidered, the pills show the monotony of the daily experience of popping pills.
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Mobic PillOWMobic is an anti-inflammatory, and acts like Ibuprofen. I didn't find that it worked very well. Long-term concerns with both drugs include damage to the liver and stomach.
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Valium PillOWValium is a muscle relaxant. It works wonders on muscle spasms that come as the body works to guard the spine from serious damage. Valium also relaxes the brain.
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Valium PillOWI was not prescribed Valium until years into this conundrum. It is the most effective drug for immediate flare-ups, from what I have found.
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Flexeril PillOWFlexeril is a muscle relaxant. It is the most oft prescribed to me, and yet it impacts the pain cycle very little. It causes weight gain and a fuzzy brain, though it is one of the few drugs I can take and still be able to work and drive.
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Oxy PillOWOxy is the most addictive of the pain medications I have in my arsenal. I take it sparingly.
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Oxy PillOWI am terrified of opiate addiction. The doctors regularly tell me to take the drugs whenever I need them. I make sure that I take Oxy as the absolute last resort.
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Celebrex PillOWCelebrex is an anti-inflammatory medication. Supposedly it has the least long-term consequence on the stomach and liver.
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Why It HurtsIn order to explain why my back hurts all the time, I needed to visualize what is happening in my body.
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Why It Hurts DetailAll of the issues begin in the discs, but the pain happens in the nervous system. Now that I understand the anatomy of the back, I have more control over my care.
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Why It Hurts DetailIntervertebral discs are like soft-boiled eggs. A gooey center is held by a thicker outer layer. A herniation happens when the center material squishes through the outer layer and irritates the nerves.
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Why It Hurts DetailStenosis is the narrowing of the spinal canal due to bony spurs that grow off of the vertebrae, trying to protect the nerves.
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Why It Hurts DetailWhen the doctors went into my spine to clean up the disc material, they removed bone to gain access. Removing bone reduces stability in the spine, causing more pain.
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Pill ConsumptionHeavy drugs are one of the few coping mechanisms I have for my pain. I am constantly juggling which drugs I can take when. This piece details the mass of pills I consumed in 2010.
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Pill ConsumptionI took ten different kinds of prescription medication in 2010. In addition, and not pictured here, I also took Advil, Tylenol, Arnica, and topical Tiger Balm.
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Pill ConsumptionPictured in the final piece at life size, the pills are gridded out month by month.
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The CostA huge piece of navigating chronic pain is dealing with the cost. Health insurance itself is expensive, and copays and out-of-pocket expenses are equally as pricey.
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The Cost DetailInsurance only covers certain treatments, and pays certain amounts of money based on what they deem necessary to your care. Navigating costs is a daily battle.
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A Profile of the UninsuredThe U.S. not only has a huge problem with access to care due to cost, but also with access to health insurance which is financially necessary in order to access care.
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A Profile of the UninsuredA whopping 50% of personal bankruptcies in the U.S. are a result of medical bills.
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A Profile of the UninsuredUnder-educated populations are less likely to be insured.
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A Profile of the UninsuredMany of the uninsured lack proficiency in English, implying that they are often immigrants.
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So What's Next?As I graduate from MICA's MFA program, I am faced with a world of options and decisions. Figuring out how to navigate those options with chronic pain is a bigger project.
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Nervous System DetailThe elements I will juggle are accessing health insurance, finding employment, and ensuring that I have a strong support network wherever I am.
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So What's Next?I researched my options for health insurance in Maine and Massachusetts, where I have support networks. Accessing information was the first barrier, and figuring out how much the plans cost was the next.
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So What's Next?If my back pain continues, I will have the most support in Portland Maine and on Martha's Vineyard. I want to live in Maine, but the factors I have examined say Martha's Vineyard is a better choice.